Co-dependence

Date: 03-05-92   3:38

From: Robin Gober

To:   Linda Murphy

Subj: Cod 1/2

      Co-dependence is a very complex but common problem.

      "Co-dependence is one of the most common conditions causing confusion

   and suffering in the world. It may be subtle in its manifestations,

   and therfore difficult to identify."

       "...a disease that has many forms and expression and that grows out

  of a disease process that ... I call the addictive process... the

  addicitive process is an unhealthy and abnormal disease process whose

  assumptions, beliefs, behaviors, and lack of spiritual awareness lead

  to a process of nonliving which is progressive...(Schaef,1986)"

      "We can begin to define co-dependence as any suffering and/or

  dysfunction that is associated with or results from focusing on the

  needs and behavior of others."

      "Endemic in ordinary humankind, co-dependence can mimic, be associated

  with, and aggravate many conditions. It developes from turning our

  responsiblity for our life and happiness over to our ego and to other

  people."

  _Healing the Child Within_ Charles L. Whitfield M.D.

      "Growth of Co-dependence

      1. Invalidation and repression of internal cues, such as our

         observations, feelings and reations

      2. Neglecting our needs

      3. Beginning to stifle our Child Within

      4. Denial of a family or other secret

      5. Increasing tolerance of and numbness to emotional pain

      6. Inability to grieve a loss to completion

      7. Blocking of growth (mental,emotional,spiritual)

      8. Compulsive behaviors in order to lessen pain

      9. Progressive shame and loss of self-esteem

     10. Feeling out of control. Need to control more

     11. Delusion and projection of pain

     12. Stress-related illness develops

     13. Compulsions worsen

     14. Progessive deterioration

            Extreme mood swings

            Difficuty with intimate relationships

            Chronic unhappiness

      To get to the point of recovery, we must survive. Survivors are by

   necessity co-dependents. We use many coping skills and ego defenses to do

   this. .... survive by dodging, hiding, negotiating, taking care of others,

   pretending, denying and learning and adapting to stay alive using any

   method that works. They learn other often unhealthy ego defense

   mechanisms, as describe by Anna Freud (1936) and summarized by

   Vaillant(1977) These include: intellectualization, repression,

   disassociation, displacement and reaction formation (all of which if

   overused can be considered neurotic) and projection, passive-aggressive

   behavior, acting out, hypochondriasis, grandiosity and denial (all of

   which if overused can be considered immature and at times psychotic)."

   _Healing the Child Within_ Charles L. Whitfield M.D.