campfire conversations

 If a programmer is found to be indispensable, the best thing to do is get rid

of him as quickly as possible.

 

- The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg (Van Nostrand

Reinhold Co., 1971)

 

 

Sone years ago, when COBOL was the great white programming hope, one heard

much

talk of the possibility of executives being able to read progrms ... nobody

can

seriously have believed [this] ... even programmers do not read programs.

 

-Weinberg, P.5

 

 

There are ... programs that should be thrown away before ever being used.

 

-Weinberg, P.20

 

 

Asking for efficiency and adaptability in the same program is like asking for

a

beautiful and modest wife ... we'll probably have to settle for one or the 

other.

 

-Weinberg, P.22

 

 

If the programmer is working in a language that allows only three dimensions,

we are not likely to observe more than three.

 

-Weinberg, P.31

 

 

Puttinng a bunch of people to work on the same problem doesn't make them a 

team.

 

-Weinberg, P.35

 

 

The systems designer suffers[s] because the better his system does its job,

the

less its user know of its existence.

 

-Weinberg, P.124

 

 

... Each program has an appropriate level of care and sophisitication 

dependent on the uses to which it will be put.

 

-Weinberg, P.127

 

 

To detect errors, the programmer must have a conniving mind, one that delights

in uncovering flaws where beauty and perfection were once thought to lie.

 

-Weinberg, P.136

 

 

For locating errors, however, we want a person who has the persistence of a 

mother-in-law and the collecting instincts of a pack rat.

 

-Weinberg, P.136

 

 

If the poor workman hates his tools. the good workman hates poor tools.  The 

work of the workingman is, in a sense, defigned by his tools.

 

-_?IU!BI

 

No craftsman, if he aspires to the highest work in his profession, we accept 

[inferior] tools; and no employer, if he appreciates the quality of work, will

ask a craftsman to accept them.

 

-Weinberg, P.204

 

 

Another effect [of not having a spoken form] is the difficulty with which we 

can talk about a programming language without a blackboard or pencil and

paper.

Every programming office should have a blackboard, chalk, and many erasers.

 

-Weinberg, P.207

 

 

'Programming' - like 'Loving' - is a single work that encompasses an

infinitude

of activities.

 

-Weinberg, P.121

 

 

The important thing is not to stop questioning.  Curiosity has its own reason

for existence.

 

-Albert Einstein

 

 

Programming shares with prayer the feature of directional transmission and 

broadcast reception.

 

-Weinberg, P.207

 

 

... in some terminal systems ... the user can keep his program from being 

pushed down in the priority stack by fiddleing with the shift key while je is

thinking.

 

-Weinberg, P.209

 

 

The expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the

grand

fallacy.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

The nature of programming being what it is, there is no relationship between 

the 'size' of the error and the problem it causes.

 

-Weinberg, P.247

 

 

When a programmer has a difficult time finding a bug, it becuase he is looking

in the wrong place.

 

-Weinberg, P.251

 

 

Documentation is the castor oil of programming ... the managers know it must

be

good because the programmers hate it so much.

 

-Weinberg, P.262

 

 

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity - the 

rest is overhead for the operating system.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

We stand at the brink of a new age, an age made possible by the revolution

that

is embodied in the computer.  Standing on the brink, we could totter either

way

 

- to a golden age of liberty of a dark age of tyranny, either of which would 

surpass anything the world has ever known.  Perhaps no individual's efforts 

will make any difference in the result, be we must never cease trying, for

then

the result is sure to be tyranny.

 

-Weinberg, P.279

 

... [OS/360] was late, it took more memory than planned, the costs were

several

times the estimate, and it did not perform well until several releases after 

the first.

 

-The mythical man-month, Frederick Brooks, P.VIII

 

 

A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.

 

-Dutch proverb

 

 

Everyone seems to be surprised by the stickiness of the problem, and it is

hard

to discern the nature of it.

 

-Brooks, P.4

 

 

The programmed computer has all the fascination of the pinball machine or the

jukebox mechanism, carried to the ultimate.

 

-Brooks, P.7

 

 

The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-

stuff.

 

-Brooks, P.7

 

 

One types the correct incantation on a keyboard, and a display screen comes to

life, showing things that never were, nor could be ... [however] if one 

character, one pause, of the incantation is not strictly in proper form, the 

magic doesn't work.

 

-Brooks, P.8

 

 

... one's authority is not sufficient for his responsibility.

 

-Brooks, P.8

 

 

... designing grand concepts is fun; finding nittly little bugs is just work.

 

-Brooks, P.9

 

 

As soon as one freezzes a design, it becomes obsolete in terms of its

concepts.

 

-Brooks, P.9

 

 

 

Good cooking takes time.  If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better,

and to please you.

 

-Menu of Restuarant Antoine, New Orleans

 

 

All programmers a optimists.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

This time it will surely run.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

I just found the last bug.

 

-Unanimous

 

 

A large programming effort ... consists of many taks, some chained end-to-end.

the probability that each will go well becomes vanishingly small.

 

-Brooks, P.16

 

 

Cost des indeed vary as the product of th number of men and the number of 

months, process does not.  Hence the man-month as a unit for measuring the

size

of a job is a dangerous and deceptive myth.

 

-Brooks, P.16

 

 

The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are 

assigned.

 

-Brooks, P.17

 

 

When everything has been seen to work, all integated, you have fourn more 

months work to do.

 

-Charles Portman International Computers Limited

 

 

Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the patron my

govern the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot govern the actual 

completion.

 

-Brooks, P.21

 

 

... when [the omelette] has not set in two minutes, the customer has two 

choices - wait or eat it raw.

 

-Brooks, P.21

 

 

Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

 

-Brooks, P.25

 

 

... the sheer number of minds to be coordinated affects the cost of the

effort.

 

-Brooks, P.30

 

 

... conceptual integrity is the most important consideration in system design.

 

-Brooks, P.42

 

 

The purpose of a programming system is to make computer easy to use.

 

-Brooks, P.43

 

 

Neither function along nor simplicty along defines a good design.

 

-Brooks, P.43

 

 

Add little to little and there will be a big pile.

 

-Ovid

 

 

He'll sit here and he'll say, 'Do this!  Do that!' and nothing will happen.

 

-Harry S. Truman

 

 

Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

I know it.  I know what needs to be done - but every time I try to tackle a 

technical problem some bloody fool wants me to make a decision about trucks -

or telephones - or some damn thing.

 

-Robert Heinlein THE MAN WHO SOLD THE MOON

 

 

The problem was that everybody who was working there, including myself, wanted

to do really neat stuff but they didn't want neat stuff, they just wanted a

lot

of stuff fast.

 

-Rick Baker, make-up artist for King Kong, Star Wars, et. al.

 

 

The generation of random numbers is too important to left too chance.

 

-Robert R. Coveyou Oak Ridge National Laboratory

 

 

It's redundant!  It's redundant!

 

-R. E. Dundant

 

 

I don't know any reason why we couldn't do it, but maybe we can think of one.

 

-Mark C. Davison

 

 

Bug?  That's not a bug, that's a feature.

 

-T. John Wendel

 

 

The computer 'doth make fools of us all'.

 

-Weinberg, P.152

 

 

Any fool without the ability to share a laugh on himself will be unable to 

tolerate programming for long.

 

-Weinberg, P.152

 

 

The programmer's nation anthem is 'AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

 

-Weinberg, P.152

 

 

When we finally see the light, we see how once again we have fallen into some

foolish assumption, some oafish practice, some witless blunder.

 

-Weinberg, P.152

 

 

The computer always has an excuse: the programmer never does.

 

-Mark C. Davison

 

 

The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets.

 

-Ed Yourdon

 

 

We tend to blame the physical media for most of our implementation 

difficulties: for the media are not 'ours' in the way ideas are, and our pride

colors our judgement.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

Completely compatible - things that work together with less than $1000 of 

interfaces and less than 100 man-hours of software patches.

 

-Datamazing, 4/1/78

 

 

Stack manipulation - the use of inflatable falsies.

 

-Datamazing, 4/1/78

 

 

Design of both hardware and software must be considered when doing the system

design.

 

-Proceedings of the IEEE, 2/78, P.167

 

 

The job that cannot be done right unless the necessary tools are availble.

 

-Proceedings of the IEEE, 2/78, P.174

 

 

I hear and I forget.

I see and I remember.

I do and understand.

 

-Confusious

 

 

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

 

-Computerworkd button

 

 

I write all my critical routines in assembler, and my comedy rountines in 

FORTRAN.

 

-Anonymous

 

 

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

 

-Edsel Murphy, Dec.

 

 

It seems intuitively clear that the existence of an error in a program will

not

be reflected in the test result unless the program component in error is 

executed during the test.

 

-J.C. Huang, 'Program Instrumentation and Software Testing". Computer, Volume

II Number 4

 

 

If debugging is the process if removing bugs, then programming must be the 

process of putting them in.

 

-Dykstra

 

 

Are you at the point where you don't have the time to find solutions to the 

problems that are taking up all your time???

 

-Mark C. Davison

 

 

Gfiles: L

 

Gfiles/General Files/

 

## Title          Source

======================================

 1 Forbes         Phone Booth BBS

 2 imitating pros Tiger

 3 catch 22's     Tiger

 4 Jokes          Phone Booth BBS

 5 Relative Thing The BatBoard

 6 Electron Sex   Firebase

 7 The Word Fuck  Firebase

 8 M. Morgana.pic The BatBoard

 9 Batwoman.pic   The BatBoard

10 CPU Vocab      Phone Booth BBS

11 Boot It!       Phone Booth BBS

12 The Raven ][   Phone Booth BBS

13 Nude 1.pic     Phone Booth BBS

14 Nude 2.pic     Phone Booth BBS

15 Nuclear W. 1   Phone Booth BBS

16 Nuclear W. 2   Phone Booth BBS

17 Nuclear W. 3   Phone Booth BBS

18 Real Computers Phone Booth BBS

19 Real Prog.     Phone Booth BBS

20 The Night AfterPhone Booth BBS

21 The Most Toys  Phone Booth BBS

22 Suicide        Phone Booth BBS

23 Night Of HackerPhone Booth BBS

24 Quotations     Phone Booth BBS

25 Edward's PrayerPhone Booth BBS

26 Nude 3.pic     Phone Booth BBS

======================================

 

Gfiles: 22

 

 

 

I WANTED TO DIE

 

The author is a witty, attractive women in her 20's. An organic chemist, she

works in a large city. Her social life is full and happy. She is active in a

variety of sports and works as a volunteer at The Samaritans, an international

organization that provides 24-hour suicide prevention hot lines. As a

teenager,

she tried to commit suicide. Since that time she has learned to value life.

Her

hope is that by sharing her story, she can help others make the same

transition.......She will not reveal her name........

 

My suicide attempt when I was a senior in high school must have baffled those

around me. From the outside, it seemed that I had a lot going for me.. I lived

in a comfortable middle-class home with a swimming pool. I was active in

sports, a member of the National Honor Society, an editor of the school

newspaper. I was so miserable.

 

I was convinced that no one understood me, especially my parents. I didn't see

much of my father, who was busy with his work. My mother had died when I was

very young, and my stepmother and I didn't get along. Our personalities

clashed, and I felt that she didn't liked me. I remember her once telling me,

"I didn't have to take you, you know."

 

When I was 15, my parents began to talk about divorce, and I was sure I was

the

cause. I knew that my father felt caught between my mother and me. He'd yell

at

me to "Shape Up," then I would here him in the next room, asking my mother,

"Can't you give the kid a break?" I wondered if the world would be better

without me.

 

Communication had always been a problem at home. I was afraid to open up to my

friends. I felt that if people knew my problems and fears, they'd think less

of

me.

 

Although I wasn't a drinker and never took drugs, I came to a decision that a

mixture of alcohol and tranquilizers, both available at home would be my

ticket

out.

 

Once I gulped down some liquor before a basketball game. My coach smelled my

breath and sent me to the school social worker. I met with her several times,

and she did her best, but I wasn't very cooperative.

 

By my senior year, I was convinced that I was an outcast, and unlovable.

Thoughts of suicide were ever-present. Though I had done very well on my

college-board exams, I saw no reason to go on to college. Sooner or later, I

was going to kill m self, so why bother?

 

My school counselor suggested I seek professional help. I told her it wouldn't

do any good, since I knew the situation at home and school would never change.

 

In February 1981, I choose my date with death. Once I picked the time, I felt

relieved. I am sure I seemed more cheerful to those around me as I began to

plan. At about 2 a.m. on my "death date," I sneaked out the house and wandered

back street, downing my hoard of tranquilizers and rum. I had trouble

swallowing all the pills-a handful at a time, then a swig of rum. the last

thing I recall is heading for the reservoir, where I knew I wouldn't be found

for a while. I didn't make it. I passed out on the sidewalk. A man walking his

dog found me and called an ambulance.

 

I woke up in the intensive-care unit with tubes up my nose and needles in my

arms. I was sent home with orders to visit a psychologist twice a week. But I

resisted her attempts to help me. I was angry I was alive.

 

Suicide was still on my mind when I attended an orientation session at a

prestigious college where I had been accepted. that weekend gave me a glimmer

of hope. People there seemed to like me. College could be a chance for a fresh

start. I also got some satisfaction in having been valedictorian in a class

over 300.

 

In college I began to make some friends, and decided to hang in "a little

longer" I also began to appreciate how my high-school social worker had

reached

me in ways I hadn't realized at the time.

 

At the sorority I made friends with a girl I call Beth. We shared a dark

secret, for she, too, had attempted suicide. She also had family problems and

a

low sense of self-worth. Now and then we would discuss suicide. As a biology

student she always had access to cyanide and told me that was the route she'd

take.

 

Then one winter night in my senior year, a sorority sister burst into my room,

crying: "Beth's not breathing!" Beth had asked her to call an ambulance, then

collapsed on the floor. I could tell from the almond smell, familiar from my

chemistry  lab, that Beth had taken cyanide. By the time the paramedics

arrived, it was too late. I thought of her request for an ambulance. She tried

to stop it, it was too late. She didn't get another chance.

 

Rage swept over me, and for weeks I agonized over her act. I saw what her

death

put her friends through. There was guilt and grief as we asked ourselves how

we

could have prevented her suicide.

 

I slowly began to realize that taking my own life was no longer an option. I

could see what a total waste suicide was.

 

I decided to do something positive with my life. I graduated in 1985. In March

1986 I answered an ad soliciting volunteers for the Samaritans

suicide-prevention hot lines,hoping I could prevent others from making the

desperate decision I made six years ago.

 

The End

 

I hope you enjoyed the story and I hope it helped you to realize that suicide

is not the answer.......