What are some things a woman should know about men?
I’ve been married for two years; we dated for three beforehand. It took me a LONG time to figure out — and gosh, it’s so obvious! — that men’s brains are completely different from women’s. Here’s a few examples, and note: I’m not trying to generalize. I speak from experience.
- Men do not pick up on hints or subtleties. If you want or need something, speak up frankly. Instead of, “Jane’s boyfriend got her the prettiest blue earrings for her birthday; I wish I had some too,” say, “Babe, for my birthday/our anniversary/the next time you want to spoil me, I want some blue earrings. Here’s a picture of the ones I like.” Your man will be delighted. There’s nothing unromantic about saying what you want and getting it.
- Men look for a way to fix things for you. They are creatures of action. If you don’t want action (i.e., if you just want to vent or grouse or complain), say so upfront. This cannot be said often enough. Example: “Honey, I need to vent. Can you just listen for five minutes? All I need is someone to hear me.”
- Men are wired to provide. Sorry feminists, but they are. Before you yell at your man for not doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or vacuuming, consider this: for men, going to work and bringing home a paycheck can be an act of love. For the longest time, I would work myself into a foul, black rage when my husband forgot to do some chore. “He doesn’t give a shit about our home,” I would tell myself. I was wrong. He did and does give a shit — enough to work overtime every single week to make sure we have the kind of home I want — I just wasn’t paying attention.
- Men crave your praise and approval. Conventional wisdom dictates that women are the high-maintenance ones when it comes to self-esteem. We need to hear we’re pretty, not fat, sexy, etc. And so do men! Feed your man’s ego and boost his self-esteem at every opportunity.
- Men (and women) are not who they are supposed to be. They just are who they are. There’s a lot of “stuff” out there saying that men should accept women just as they are. We don’t hear nearly often enough that women owe men the same favor. My husband is antisocial, a little messy, and often stubborn. I could bitch and moan about his unwillingness to change, or I can focus on what I love about him and what made me want to spend my life with him. He has certainly done me the favor of excusing my moodiness, control-freak tendencies, and chronic forgetfulness.
EDIT: Wow, thanks everyone for the kind words! I sincerely hope that some of what I wrote is helpful in your own relationships. :)
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