Marriage: completeness shared
Who is audacious enough to claim credentials for writing about marriage, since it touches so many areas of human experience: the heart, individual purpose, human rights, the crucial development of our future’s progeny, and wallet issues?
The fact is, millions of us have legitimate credentials, including Mary Baker Eddy, the Monitor’s founder. She endured highs and lows of marriage that many know all too well. Her first husband died after only six months; her second deserted her after years of infidelity, which all ended in divorce; and the third, whom she loved dearly, died after five years.
She later answered the question, “What do you think of marriage?” in this way: “That it is often convenient, sometimes pleasant, and occasionally a love affair. Marriage is susceptible of many definitions. It sometimes presents the most wretched conditions of human existence” (“Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896,” p. 52).
No one wants marriage to be a “wretched condition.” And many people want it to be a mutually supportive contract offering companionship and more. Mrs. Eddy continued her response: “To be normal, it must be a union of the affections that tends to lift mortals higher.”
Relationships demand the best of humanity. Today, definitions of marriage that focus primarily on physical aspects of relationships overshadow that demand. But the best that humanity has is actually spiritual. Expressing spiritual qualities blesses human unions.
Spiritual qualities don’t emanate from, and are not subject to, the whims of physicality, but they lift pleasures and pressures of physicality to higher affections. The qualities of integrity, fidelity, emotional and moral strength, tenderness, thoughtfulness, intelligence, are actually qualities that each of us is created to express. Those qualities, developed individually and lived, will lift marriage to a more spiritual level.
Living those qualities individually and expressing them in a marriage establishes completeness – not a completeness that comes from putting two halves together, but a “union of the affections,” a sweet sharing in which husband and wife express to each other each one’s whole identity as a child of the Creator, already complete.
A friend once told me of a challenging family experience that was harmonized when she turned to God for a more spiritual view of family relationships. In prayer, the thought came to her: “God governs the association of His ideas.” She understood that God’s ideas, His children, never lose the capacity to express the spiritual qualities of God, Spirit. And each idea, or child, is governed as an individual and in one’s associations, by God.
So how can a marriage that’s broken be restored to support both individuals’ happiness and progress? By accepting the original, untarnished completeness of oneself and one’s partner, and living it better today than yesterday. Then a trustworthy “union of the affections” will support each partner’s spiritual progress.
A marriage can gently be elevated to a union of affections that continually grows. Such a union supports the originally created, spiritual nature of both partners.
We all have to admit that the whole process of relationships
and marriage don't come with instructions. Many people wish there
was a magic recipe book for relationships and marriage.
Well my friends gather around as I tell you of my Recipe For
A Happy Marriage.
You start with two people who have decided to make a
commitment to each other, by getting married or into a
relationship. Keeping that commitment is what causes so much
grief and heartache in couples and family groups today.
Yet, with just a few ingredients and some basic
instructions, you'll have a successful marriage or relationship
that will deliver all that you desire.
Commitment in marriage is saying that, both you and your
mate both commit yourself to:
1.
Your mate. Which means giving part of yourself
away to your mate, whom, in turn, gives part of
themselves to you. The you exchange is the
ultimate gift and occurs commonly during a
sexual exchange.
2. Love and care for each other regardless of
health, time, wealth, or poverty.
3. Strengthen each other and work as a team on
problems.
4. Accept one another for their frailties and
quirks.
5. Maintain a household unit. Which means that if
you have children that you act in a united
fashion.
In a relationship you only have to exclude #1 and #5 and you
have your three main commitments. The way you fulfill this
commitment in a relationship or a marriage, is to follow the basic
instructions that follow.
Be tender, kind, loyal, and loving. Always let your partner
know you love him or her. When you marry you should commit
yourself to the other's well being and be more concerned about
them than yourself.
Take time to be with your partner and to do things together.
If you have kids take thirty minuets out of each day to be with
your partner. Let friends be second to your partner and keep your
partner in first place under God.
Switch on your mind. Make a decision to adopt a positive
attitude about your marriage. This is especially true if you have
had problems in your marriage or relationships. Start over, turn
off negative thoughts and things will improve.
Use a loving touch. Take time to greet each other with a
hug or a genial caress. It is a simple way to reaffirm your
feelings for you mate. A hug speaks a thousand words and it will
let your partner know how much you care.
Communicate openly with each other and work together as a
team on your problems. If you communicate, you might avoid big
problems by solving little ones.
Learn the art of silence and patience. There are times when
words can hurt a relationship. Be kind and choose your words
carefully. There are times harsh words can hurt a relationship
and cause considerable
pain, to both you and your mate.
Be slow to anger and be in control your emotions. This will
allow you to act calmly and rationally in any argument.
Tune into your partner. Try to understand one another and
the pressures each of you face. Let your
partner know you care about his/her problems.
Work together. Find things both of you like doing together.
Always keep a goal in front of you and work as a team to achieve
it.
Most marriages break up, because either the husband or the
wife is sleeping around. Using another
human being purely for sexual release, without regard to his or
her feelings, is a form of rape. You must be
responsible for your sexual acts and set limits. You must care
and respect the other person as well as yourself. Promiscuous
sexual behavior demeans, destroys, and dehumanizes everyone
involved. In a relationship sex is not involved.
Enjoy sex and intimacy exclusively with your partner.
Remember that sex is a bond that brings you and your partner
together as one. It feels good all over, from the tips of your
toes to the top of your head. Sexual activity makes you feel more
complete, as a man, as a woman, and as a married couple.
Rememberthat it is o.k. to play sex games in a marriage
relationship. As long as both you and your mate enjoy such games
and they add to the experience, the games should be permitted.
However, if they become a distraction and detract from the
experience they should be prohibited.
Intimacy, as it pertains to a marriage means:
1.
Loving your partner enough and yourself enough
to let him or her into your private world, where
all your feelings are gathered, and to be able
and willing
to share those feelings. Without fear of
rejection, judgement, or retribution.
2.
Loving yourself, and your partner enough, to be
open and sensitive to what they carry
in their heart and minds
Accept one another for what the other is and what they become.
As partners in a relationship each of you must makea unified effort to strengthen weak areas of the other person.
Each of you have weak areas in
your own personality and accepting shortcomings
or mistakes doesn't mean you have to repeat them.
Turn problems into possibilities. Every marriage or
relationship is going to have rough spots. Your job is to turn
hardship into strength by working together as one united force and
look for the good in times of hardship.
Be loyal. Loyalty is the key word in any marriage or
relationship. By its very nature it implies honesty and trust.
Loyalty and honesty are essential to any relationship.
Keep your relationship with your mate in first place.
Your relationship as mates must take a higher and closer status
than your relationship with anyone else other than God. Your
friends will come and go, like the passing of the seasons, but
your wife and God will be with you forever.
Make a unified effort to develop the same interest and to
develop the same cause and effect reasoning. This will help you
advert some problems if they are seen before they become big
difficulties and aid you in achieving your goals in a unified
manner.
Do everything you can to promote the spiritual as well as
the mental growth of your partner. This allows both you and your
partner to grow and mature into what you are supposed to be.
Don't attempt to control your partner. Learn from one another and
grow together as one unified force.
When a soul is sent down from heaven, it is a combine male and
female soul. The male part enters the male child and the female
part enters the female. If the two are worthy, God causes them to
reunite in marriage. This is the true definition of mating or
marriage.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him."
Gen 2:22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken
out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(NIV)
Gen 2:23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of
my flesh; she shall be called `woman,' for she was taken out of
man."
(NIV)
Gen 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(NIV)
1Cor 11:11 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man,
nor is man independent of woman. (NIV)
1Cor 11:12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of
woman. But everything comes from God. (NIV)
Col 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. (NIV)
Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you
may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
(NIV)
Col 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them
all together in perfect unity. (NIV)
Col 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as
members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
(NIV)
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach
and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms,
hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
(NIV)
Col 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all
in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father
through him.
(NIV)
Rom 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give
you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ
Jesus,
Rom 15:6 so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God
and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (NIV)
Rom 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in
order to bring praise to God. (NIV)
Rom 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as
you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power
of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)
Rom 15:14 I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves
are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to
instruct one another. (NIV)
In closing this article I hope theses guidelines bring you
everything that you an your mate hope for
The fact is, millions of us have legitimate credentials, including Mary Baker Eddy, the Monitor’s founder. She endured highs and lows of marriage that many know all too well. Her first husband died after only six months; her second deserted her after years of infidelity, which all ended in divorce; and the third, whom she loved dearly, died after five years.
She later answered the question, “What do you think of marriage?” in this way: “That it is often convenient, sometimes pleasant, and occasionally a love affair. Marriage is susceptible of many definitions. It sometimes presents the most wretched conditions of human existence” (“Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896,” p. 52).
No one wants marriage to be a “wretched condition.” And many people want it to be a mutually supportive contract offering companionship and more. Mrs. Eddy continued her response: “To be normal, it must be a union of the affections that tends to lift mortals higher.”
Relationships demand the best of humanity. Today, definitions of marriage that focus primarily on physical aspects of relationships overshadow that demand. But the best that humanity has is actually spiritual. Expressing spiritual qualities blesses human unions.
Spiritual qualities don’t emanate from, and are not subject to, the whims of physicality, but they lift pleasures and pressures of physicality to higher affections. The qualities of integrity, fidelity, emotional and moral strength, tenderness, thoughtfulness, intelligence, are actually qualities that each of us is created to express. Those qualities, developed individually and lived, will lift marriage to a more spiritual level.
Living those qualities individually and expressing them in a marriage establishes completeness – not a completeness that comes from putting two halves together, but a “union of the affections,” a sweet sharing in which husband and wife express to each other each one’s whole identity as a child of the Creator, already complete.
A friend once told me of a challenging family experience that was harmonized when she turned to God for a more spiritual view of family relationships. In prayer, the thought came to her: “God governs the association of His ideas.” She understood that God’s ideas, His children, never lose the capacity to express the spiritual qualities of God, Spirit. And each idea, or child, is governed as an individual and in one’s associations, by God.
So how can a marriage that’s broken be restored to support both individuals’ happiness and progress? By accepting the original, untarnished completeness of oneself and one’s partner, and living it better today than yesterday. Then a trustworthy “union of the affections” will support each partner’s spiritual progress.
A marriage can gently be elevated to a union of affections that continually grows. Such a union supports the originally created, spiritual nature of both partners.
We all have to admit that the whole process of relationships
and marriage don't come with instructions. Many people wish there
was a magic recipe book for relationships and marriage.
Well my friends gather around as I tell you of my Recipe For
A Happy Marriage.
You start with two people who have decided to make a
commitment to each other, by getting married or into a
relationship. Keeping that commitment is what causes so much
grief and heartache in couples and family groups today.
Yet, with just a few ingredients and some basic
instructions, you'll have a successful marriage or relationship
that will deliver all that you desire.
Commitment in marriage is saying that, both you and your
mate both commit yourself to:
1.
Your mate. Which means giving part of yourself
away to your mate, whom, in turn, gives part of
themselves to you. The you exchange is the
ultimate gift and occurs commonly during a
sexual exchange.
2. Love and care for each other regardless of
health, time, wealth, or poverty.
3. Strengthen each other and work as a team on
problems.
4. Accept one another for their frailties and
quirks.
5. Maintain a household unit. Which means that if
you have children that you act in a united
fashion.
In a relationship you only have to exclude #1 and #5 and you
have your three main commitments. The way you fulfill this
commitment in a relationship or a marriage, is to follow the basic
instructions that follow.
Be tender, kind, loyal, and loving. Always let your partner
know you love him or her. When you marry you should commit
yourself to the other's well being and be more concerned about
them than yourself.
Take time to be with your partner and to do things together.
If you have kids take thirty minuets out of each day to be with
your partner. Let friends be second to your partner and keep your
partner in first place under God.
Switch on your mind. Make a decision to adopt a positive
attitude about your marriage. This is especially true if you have
had problems in your marriage or relationships. Start over, turn
off negative thoughts and things will improve.
Use a loving touch. Take time to greet each other with a
hug or a genial caress. It is a simple way to reaffirm your
feelings for you mate. A hug speaks a thousand words and it will
let your partner know how much you care.
Communicate openly with each other and work together as a
team on your problems. If you communicate, you might avoid big
problems by solving little ones.
Learn the art of silence and patience. There are times when
words can hurt a relationship. Be kind and choose your words
carefully. There are times harsh words can hurt a relationship
and cause considerable
pain, to both you and your mate.
Be slow to anger and be in control your emotions. This will
allow you to act calmly and rationally in any argument.
Tune into your partner. Try to understand one another and
the pressures each of you face. Let your
partner know you care about his/her problems.
Work together. Find things both of you like doing together.
Always keep a goal in front of you and work as a team to achieve
it.
Most marriages break up, because either the husband or the
wife is sleeping around. Using another
human being purely for sexual release, without regard to his or
her feelings, is a form of rape. You must be
responsible for your sexual acts and set limits. You must care
and respect the other person as well as yourself. Promiscuous
sexual behavior demeans, destroys, and dehumanizes everyone
involved. In a relationship sex is not involved.
Enjoy sex and intimacy exclusively with your partner.
Remember that sex is a bond that brings you and your partner
together as one. It feels good all over, from the tips of your
toes to the top of your head. Sexual activity makes you feel more
complete, as a man, as a woman, and as a married couple.
Rememberthat it is o.k. to play sex games in a marriage
relationship. As long as both you and your mate enjoy such games
and they add to the experience, the games should be permitted.
However, if they become a distraction and detract from the
experience they should be prohibited.
Intimacy, as it pertains to a marriage means:
1.
Loving your partner enough and yourself enough
to let him or her into your private world, where
all your feelings are gathered, and to be able
and willing
to share those feelings. Without fear of
rejection, judgement, or retribution.
2.
Loving yourself, and your partner enough, to be
open and sensitive to what they carry
in their heart and minds
Accept one another for what the other is and what they become.
As partners in a relationship each of you must makea unified effort to strengthen weak areas of the other person.
Each of you have weak areas in
your own personality and accepting shortcomings
or mistakes doesn't mean you have to repeat them.
Turn problems into possibilities. Every marriage or
relationship is going to have rough spots. Your job is to turn
hardship into strength by working together as one united force and
look for the good in times of hardship.
Be loyal. Loyalty is the key word in any marriage or
relationship. By its very nature it implies honesty and trust.
Loyalty and honesty are essential to any relationship.
Keep your relationship with your mate in first place.
Your relationship as mates must take a higher and closer status
than your relationship with anyone else other than God. Your
friends will come and go, like the passing of the seasons, but
your wife and God will be with you forever.
Make a unified effort to develop the same interest and to
develop the same cause and effect reasoning. This will help you
advert some problems if they are seen before they become big
difficulties and aid you in achieving your goals in a unified
manner.
Do everything you can to promote the spiritual as well as
the mental growth of your partner. This allows both you and your
partner to grow and mature into what you are supposed to be.
Don't attempt to control your partner. Learn from one another and
grow together as one unified force.
When a soul is sent down from heaven, it is a combine male and
female soul. The male part enters the male child and the female
part enters the female. If the two are worthy, God causes them to
reunite in marriage. This is the true definition of mating or
marriage.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him."
Gen 2:22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken
out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(NIV)
Gen 2:23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of
my flesh; she shall be called `woman,' for she was taken out of
man."
(NIV)
Gen 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(NIV)
1Cor 11:11 In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man,
nor is man independent of woman. (NIV)
1Cor 11:12 For as woman came from man, so also man is born of
woman. But everything comes from God. (NIV)
Col 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness
and patience. (NIV)
Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you
may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
(NIV)
Col 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them
all together in perfect unity. (NIV)
Col 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as
members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
(NIV)
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach
and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms,
hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
(NIV)
Col 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all
in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father
through him.
(NIV)
Rom 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give
you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ
Jesus,
Rom 15:6 so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God
and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (NIV)
Rom 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in
order to bring praise to God. (NIV)
Rom 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as
you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power
of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)
Rom 15:14 I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves
are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to
instruct one another. (NIV)
In closing this article I hope theses guidelines bring you
everything that you an your mate hope for
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